Rss Feed
Tweeter button
Facebook button
Technorati button
Reddit button
Linkedin button
Webonews button
Delicious button
Digg button
Flickr button
Stumbleupon button
Newsvine button
Youtube button

Identities, Parts, of Who We Are

Some people who listened to the Attachment Theory article on the Educational Videos tab saw themselves as being one of the four types of attachment style but also saw themselves as being a bit in the other styles as well.

So why is this?

Because we are made of hundreds if not thousands of characters (parts or identities) all wanting to have a say in the running of us!

Now, before we go any further, this isn’t some sort of la la land theory – it’s a recognised psychotherapy observation of the human psyche and we are NOT talking about any form of schizophrenia either.

In that article, as examples of people who were avoidantly or ambivalently attached, I gave a short anecdote of how each individual was dominated by a part or identity that took over, either momentarily, or for an extended period, each of their lives. (Like the ‘protective father’ who wanted to throw me out of the 17th floor window – or the more dominant types – the ‘romantic’ who flitted from guy to guy, the ‘control freak’ mother who micro-managed her daughter’s life, and the ‘womaniser’ who ran out of his home because of his feelings of entrapment.) These were just four I mentioned in that article, but below are some other examples of parts or identities that people have, that they can unconsciously slip into or be dominated by:

The loudmouth, the workaholic, the joker, the judge, the stud, the pervert, the timid introvert, the glamour queen, the tart, the snob, the pauper, the miser, the airhead, the intellect, the ‘know it all’, the poser, the materialist, the wall flower, the depressive etc, etc, etc. all clamouring to be heard (a bit like an orchestra tuning up!), and all with their particular behaviours that make them who they are.
Looking at these types, did you see any of them in your friends? And can you spot any of these characters in yourself?

There will always be one fairly dominant identity which will overshadow your life and while you might not see it, most of your friends will see it in you.

Adding a little more depth to parts or identities, if you have ever wondered why on a particular day you want to behave in a certain way or want a particular something, and the next day want to do or want something almost opposite, it’s because you have two parts or identities in opposition to each other. So you get the ‘prude’ in opposition to the ‘promiscuous playgirl’ or the ‘bar lounge lizard’ in opposition to the ‘workaholic’, all of which makes life on occasions rather a confusing mess! (This becomes more apparent sometimes when we have had too much to drink – I have seen many ‘prudes’ become the ‘promiscuous playgirl’!!)

These parts or identities are problematic when they are obsessive and you don’t realise you are acting out their drive. So the first step is to recognise the ones that are giving you a hard time (or who are giving others a hard time, such as the control freak) and once you have done that, to look at how they behave. The whole purpose of understanding these parts is so YOU don’t get dictated to by their wayward behaviours. It’s by fully understanding them that they come to terms with the fact that YOU are the boss. You can still use their behaviours and skills when the need arises – so it becomes a ‘work with’ harmonious relationship, which has an overall effect of adding to your power. If you want more you can find a chapter about this in my book – Happiness – who wants it.

Comments are closed.

Blog Categories